Anyone else out there sometimes hit these phases of just longing for a vacation? Longing to sleep in? Longing to eat whatever you want whenever you want it? Longing to just veg out and watch TV for hours on end?
I remember feeling that way a lot around midterms and exams in college. And then Christmas break would role around and I would do exactly what I had been dreaming of doing for weeks: sleep, eat, and veg.
I get that same feeling nowadays when Olivia wakes up at 5:45 am for no apparent reason. Or when I’m pulling out the cookbooks trying to find inspiration to cook yet another healthy dinner for my family. Or when I’ve just plain had it and there are still a million to-do’s and toddler who needs my attention. Someone please give me a break!
It’s funny, though. This past week I got exactly what I’ve been craving- two days alone with Mike in a house on the Tennessee River. No responsibilities. No agenda. Me+the TV+a couple of steaks on the grill & a Sonic milkshake in hand+ a comfy couch to nap the day away on. Lucky me. You’re probably jealous and thinking how incredibly AWESOME I must be feeling now, having now had the opportunity to blissfully indulge all of my cravings and desires for 48 hours. But I’m not… not really.
Yes, it was great to get away. Mike and I had some amazing conversations. We got to get out on a few hikes, and it was nice to rest a bit too. But all that sleep, food, and TV really didn’t satisfy the way I had fantasized it would. The best part of vacation? Realizing how nice it is to go home and eat a big bowl of homemade soup and salad, play with my girl (even at 5:45 am), and get back into a routine.
It made me wonder, though? There are many things we crave, fantasize and dream about- “If I just had ________, then I would really feel refreshed/happy/satisfied.” More money. A house. A car. An iPhone. Unlimited time to sleep in. To be rich enough to never have to work again.
We think these things are the answer- the key- to our souls desperate longings. We even have these fantasies with God- “If only He would just show up in my room and tell me face to face, then I would believe Him and have peace.” “If only He came and just lifted this hard circumstance off my life, then I could really love Him and get things accomplished for Him.”
Can I tell you right now- those are not the solutions you think they are. Day two of sleeping in and lounging around, and I was feeling so drained of energy I felt like a slug. Please- all I want is a toddler to chase around this afternoon! Get my energy up!
God is so gracious. Can we really believe him that the circumstances He has placed around us truly are good? Even when they are hard, painful, or difficult. He is the only solution to that wrestling, that longing in our hearts. Can we learn what it means to have a vacation in our souls- rest in the inner man? I have no clue what that looks like. But after this week… I’m purposing to find out….